なぜか病院では弱い

検査の日。
検査用のガウンに着替えて横になって待つ。10分くらい待ったかな。器具も見えるし、緊張。
局所麻酔のときに、注射器からぷしゅっと麻酔液が漏れて飛んだ。「ごめんごめん」と言われてもう一度。ぷしゅっ。今度は顔に飛んだ。おいおいおいおい。しかも、その注射は泣きそうなくらい痛い。

麻酔が効いてからは痛くなかったけれど、肝心の造影剤が漏れてしまったようで、レントゲン写真ではぼわっと白くなってしまった。かろうじて、写すべきものも見えていたのだけど、こんなに失敗が続くと、この医師に手術はしてほしくないと思う。細胞診もクラス3だが、それに対するこの医師の判断、信じていいのかしらん?

病院では、失敗のたびに怒ることもなく、でもなんかいやーな気持ちで医師の話を聞いていた。ごめんねえ、と言われてはい、と言っていたが、病院を出たら「なんなんだよー!」と怒りふつふつ。造影剤のミスのおかげで、手術するなら3ヵ月後、ということになってしまった。まったく腹が立つ。でも、病院のあの雰囲気、自分があくまで下の立場という錯覚に陥ってしまう。セカンドオピニオンのために資料一式借りたいのだけれど、言い出せるだろうか。

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久々の診察。今回は話すことがありすぎたので手帳にメモをしていった。 まずはこの前...

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